Escape to Paradise: Unveiling Lima's Secret Green Oasis!
Escape to Paradise: Unveiling Lima's Secret Green Oasis! - A Messy, Honest Review
Okay, folks, let's talk about "Escape to Paradise: Unveiling Lima's Secret Green Oasis!" I just got back, and honestly? I'm still trying to unpack everything. This place… it's intense. In a good way. A chaotic, luxurious, slightly-overwhelming, and definitely-worth-it kind of way.
First things first, let's get the practical stuff out of the way. This review is long, because this place has got everything. Buckle up.
Accessibility: The Good, The Okay, and the "Let's Figure It Out"
Alright, so accessibility. This is where things get a little… mixed. The website boasts "facilities for disabled guests," which is hopeful, but the actual nitty-gritty? I'm not fully clued in. I didn't need those specific amenities, so I didn't actively check. The elevator is a lifesaver, though, which is always a plus! Overall, I'd recommend calling ahead and grilling them about specifics if you have mobility needs. Better safe than sorry, right?
Cleanliness and Safety: Germaphobe Approved (Almost!)
- Anti-viral cleaning products? CHECK!
- Daily disinfection in common areas? Yup, witnessed it firsthand – those lobby chairs were getting a serious scrubbing!
- Rooms sanitized between stays? Definitely. Felt fresh, and frankly, I needed that peace of mind.
- Hand sanitizer? Everywhere. Seriously, they’re probably making a killing on Purell.
- Staff trained in safety protocol? They seemed genuinely invested in keeping things safe, even if it was a little on the…over-enthusiastic side.
- Safe dining setup? This they nailed – tables spaced out, servers wearing masks. I felt safe scarfing down my breakfast.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Prepare to Feast (and Slightly Overeat)
Oh. My. God. The food. I'm not even kidding, I think I gained five pounds in three days. Let's break this down, because it's a journey.
- Restaurants: Plural. Because, duh. They have several, with varied cuisines. The Asian cuisine place was divine. Like, seriously, I'm still dreaming of the Peking duck. And the vegetarian restaurant? Even I, a dedicated carnivore, was blown away.
- Breakfast [buffet]: Okay, here's the honest truth: the buffet? It’s a glorious, slightly-overwhelming monster. From the Asian breakfast, to the Western breakfast, there's just so much. You could get lost in the waffle station alone. The service was attentive, but it does get a little…busy. Prepare for a little elbow-to-elbow action at peak hours.
- Room service [24-hour]: Yes!!! That 3 AM craving for a club sandwich? Sorted.
- Poolside bar: Essential. Nothing beats sipping a ridiculously overpriced cocktail while pretending you're not on a work trip and you have never been so relaxed… that was my experience.
- Coffee shop: The coffee was good, not remarkable, but essential for surviving the jet lag + food coma combo.
- Snack bar: Okay-good, perfect for a quick bite on the go. They could have something that is an interesting snack, but I think that’s about my only negative.
Rooms: Cozy Cocoons of Luxury (and a Few Minor Quibbles)
My room was… amazing. Seriously.
- Air conditioning? Naturally. Crucial in Lima.
- Views? Stunning. I was on a high floor, which I recommend.
- Bed? Immensely comfortable. I slept like a log.
- Bathrobes and Slippers? Yes. The ultimate in hotel luxury.
- Internet [LAN], Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free]? The Wi-Fi was decent. I was able to stream, but for the intense work needs, I opted for the LAN. Because gotta work.
- Mini-bar? Well stocked. Definitely hit up the bottle of water frequently. The daily housekeeping was consistently great.
- Room decor? Modern chic, comfortable. The blackout curtains were a lifesaver for sleeping off the buffets.
- Extra long bed? Yes! At almost seven feet tall, this was a necessity and perfect to have after a long day of walking around the tourist spots.
The biggest issue? The bathrooms could be slightly small for a room of this size. But they are well appointed, and clean.
Things to Do: Relaxation, Revitalization, and Maybe a Little Mild Panic
Okay, this is where "Escape to Paradise" really shines. Let’s dive deep:
- Pool with view: OMG. The infinity pool overlooking…well, I won't spoil it, but it's gorgeous. Best way to spend an afternoon.
- Spa/sauna, Steamroom: Oh, the spa… It’s like stepping into another world. They offer body scrubs and body wraps…I got a massage, and honestly, it was sheer bliss. My stress melted away. I wish I got a sauna, maybe next time
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: It was okay. More of a hotel-gym than a serious workout spot, but did the trick for a quick burn.
- Things to do and relaxation: If you are looking for some way to relax, then the spa, food, and a good nap is the key. So many opportunities.
- For the kids: They have babysitting (didn't use it), and kids’ facilities. It is child-friendly, but I didn't have the opportunity to review it completely.
Services and Conveniences: The Perks That Make Life Easier
- Concierge: Super helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: Excellent.
- Dry cleaning and Laundry service: Very convenient.
- Cash withdrawal: Easy access to cash.
- Food delivery: There are outside delivery options.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Very slick and professional.
- Airport transfer: Available and recommended, especially if you’re arriving late.
- Valet parking: Always a bonus.
The Quirks (and a Few Imperfections)
Okay, here’s the real tea. There were a few minor blips. Check-in could be faster. I had to wait, which was a little frustrating. But the staff were always friendly.
And a few things that they could update, like the coffee shop.
Overall Verdict: Should You Escape? Absolutely!
This place is a whirlwind of sensory overload, amazing service, and general awesomeness. It might have its imperfections, but those are vastly outweighed by the good stuff. It's perfect for a romantic getaway, a solo recharge, or even a business trip (if you can handle the temptation to ditch work and spend all day by the pool). It is a good base for a trip to Peru.
SEO-Friendly Summary
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Pro-tip: It's a perfect spot for a getaway.
My advice? BOOK IT. NOW. Before I go back and they realize I'm not paying them enough to sing their praises.
ATTENTION POTENTIAL GUESTS! A Call to Action:
Escape to Paradise – Your Lima Re-Charge Awaits!
Are you feeling stressed? Burned out? In desperate need of a little "me time"? Then it's time to Escape to Paradise: Unveiling Lima's Secret Green Oasis!
Here's what you'll get:
- Unforgettable Relaxation: Luxuriate in stunning views, a world-class spa, and a pool that will melt your cares away (just ask me!).
- Culinary Adventures: Indulge in an array of incredible dining options, from authentic Peruvian cuisine to international favorites, all crafted by top chefs.
- Impeccable Service: Experience genuine hospitality from a team dedicated to making your stay unforgettable.
- Convenient Accessibility: Everything you need is at your fingertips, including accessible rooms, Wi-Fi, and many other amenities.
- Unmatched Cleanliness & Safety: Rest easy with their rigorous hygiene protocols, ensuring peace of mind throughout your stay.
Right now, we offer these special Packages and Deals:
- The "Ultimate Relaxation Package": Includes a couples massage, a gourmet dinner for two, and a late check-out.
- The "Early-Bird Special": Book your stay with us now and get 15% off your room rate!
But don't wait! Rooms are filling up fast, and you don't want to miss out on your own escape to paradise
Escape to Paradise: Hill County Resort, Manali Awaits!
Green House Lima, Peru: A Messy, Wonderful Scramble (My Itinerary, Ugh)
Okay, so here's the supposed plan for Lima, at the Green House. Emphasis on supposed. I'm basically a walking disaster zone, so let's see how this actually plays out. Prepare for chaos, people.
Day 1: Arrival & Initial Panic (and a Tiny Ray of Sunshine)
- Morning (like, really early): Land in Jorge Chávez International Airport. Pray the flight wasn't delayed. Pray my luggage made it. Pray I remember basic Spanish phrases. (Spoiler alert: I don't.) The airport is… well, an airport. Overwhelming. Smells vaguely of coffee and desperation. Hail a taxi. Negotiate the price – already feel like a total tourist, ugh.
- Mid-Morning: Arrive at the Green House. The photos online are… slightly misleading. It's charming, but the "rustic" has a heavy dose of "needs a serious scrub-down." Check-in. Meet the staff. They seem lovely, but I'm also convinced they're judging my inability to form coherent sentences after a long flight.
- Lunch: Find a cevichería (seafood restaurant) nearby, based on a recommendation from, like, a 2012 travel blog. Dive in, ready for the culinary adventure I've dreamt about. The ceviche? Incredible. The best gosh darn ceviche I've ever had. So fresh, so zesty… I could eat it all day. Maybe I will…
- Afternoon: Stroll around Miraflores. Okay, fine, more like waddle. Jet lag is a beast. Admire the clifftop views, mostly while fighting the urge to nap on a park bench. The ocean breeze is glorious, though. I might just… hic… take a nap.
- Evening: Attempt to find a restaurant for dinner. Get hopelessly lost. Wander into a seemingly abandoned alleyway. Panic briefly. Finally, stumble upon a pisco sour (Peruvian cocktail) bar. Order one. Then another. Then, several more… Suddenly all the things that annoy me seem less significant. This is perfection.
Day 2: Barranco & Artistic Intoxication (and Possibly a Hangover from Hell)
- Morning (if I can drag myself out of bed): Wake up with a headache that could kill a giraffe. Vow never to touch pisco again. (Famous last words, right?). Breakfast. Try some local fruits, hoping it will magically cure my misery. Fail.
- Late Morning/Early Afternoon: Drag myself to Barranco, the bohemian district. This place is gorgeous. The art, the colorful houses, the street performers… I'm immediately smitten. Spend hours – and I mean hours – wandering around, getting lost on purpose, and feeling ridiculously inspired (maybe still the pisco talking just a bit, can’t be sure).
- Afternoon: Find a tiny art studio and become completely obsessed with a painting (a llama wearing a sombrero, naturally). Negotiate a price with the artist (again, probably a terrible price). Buy the darn thing. Figure out how to get it home later (or figure out if I can just hang it in the hostel).
- Evening: Back to Miraflores for dinner. Attempt to be more sophisticated. Fail spectacularly. End up at a casual anticuchería (grilled skewers) for some hearty food and even heartier emotions. Watch the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. Think about how happy I am, and how absolutely, completely, undeniably lost I often am on this earth.
Day 3: Holy Cow! It’s the Pachacamac ruins!
- Morning: Actually get up early-ish! It’s a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Book a tour to the Pachacamac ruins. I’m slightly skeptical about these organized tours – feel as though I’m missing a bit of the adventure - but hey, I'm in Peru, so let's see what it is about!
- Midmorning: The tour bus comes. Great. It's the kind of bus that might or might not have air conditioning (spoiler: it doesn't). But the tour guide is actually pretty good! And the ruins… wow. Just wow. The scale of it all. The history. The sun beating down. I’m overwhelmed but also completely awestruck – it makes me feel so small, so insignificant, and yet… part of something really big.
- Lunch: The tour had lunch, which was the food of the place. It was fine. Definitely not ceviche level. But I was starving after all that walking around, so I ate it all up. Ate it with gusto and no sense of shame, because the sun and the history had already beaten me!
- Afternoon: Back to the hostel again. I just need a little downtime. I think it's called “processing”. I'm a real-life human being, and my emotions have their own weird ways.
- Evening: I’m a bit tired of the chaos. The hostel has a rooftop terrace. It comes with a lovely view of the city. I’m ordering a pizza. Going to eat it, and then probably not do much else.
Day 4: Farewell, Lima (Sobbing or Smiling? You Choose!)
- Morning: Last breakfast at the Green House. Say goodbye to the friendly staff. Feel a pang of sadness leaving.
- Mid-Morning: Squeeze in some last-minute souvenir shopping. End up buying way too much alpaca wool (gotta keep the family warm, right?).
- Lunch: One last proper Peruvian meal. Gotta do it right.
- Afternoon: Head back to the airport, a little bit wiser, a lot more tired, and carrying a backpack bursting with memories (and a llama painting). Hope my luggage (and sanity) makes it back home. Say a silent, heartfelt 'Hasta luego!' to Lima. Will I be back? Absolutely.
- Evening: On the plane. Reflect on the trip. Think about the good food, great people, and how much I fell in love with the chaos of it all. Feel both relief and bittersweetness at the thought of going home.
The Extras – AKA Stuff I'll Probably Forget & Regret Later:
- Currency: Have I remembered to get enough soles? Probably not. End up relying on credit cards and exorbitant ATM fees.
- Spanish: Keep attempting to speak Spanish. Mostly utter embarrassing gibberish. Hope people are patient.
- Altitude: Remember to take it easy. Get out of breath walking up a flight of stairs. Blame the altitude. (Reality: I'm just unfit.)
- The Green House: Pray it's as charming as it seems online. Pray it's not a total disaster. Pray the bed is comfortable. Pray for hot water. In truth, this place is as good as the people that run it.
- Keep it real: Remember to embrace the mistakes and hiccups. It's all part of the adventure, right? RIGHT?!
Welp, that's the loose framework. Lima, here I come (hopefully with all my limbs and a functioning brain)! Wish me luck. You probably won’t be reading this, but if you are, wish me luck anyway. I'm going to need it.
Indonesian Paradise Found: Mitra Hotel Bangka Awaits!
Okay, so… what *is* this "Escape to Paradise" place everyone's raving (or complaining) about?
Alright, buckle up, because “Escape to Paradise,” as they theatrically call it, is basically this… *weird* hidden oasis smack-dab in the middle of Lima. Think lush greenery, supposedly tranquil ponds, and the promise of escaping the smoggy, honking reality. It’s… okay. Don't get me wrong, the concept is good, really, *really* good. But the execution? Whew boy.
It's like the designers were going for "Swiss Family Robinson meets Zen garden," but accidentally ended up with "slightly overgrown botanical garden with a persistent mosquito problem." More on *that* later, I promise.
Is this place *really* a secret? Or is it just… advertised a lot?
Secret? Hah! More like a “well-keptish” secret. They *try* to project this air of exclusivity, whispering about it like it's some lost treasure. But honestly? The social media bombardment tells a different story. Every influencer in Lima has probably posed there. You can practically smell the filter overuse from a mile away. Don't expect actual solitude. On a busy Sunday? Forget it. You'll be bumping elbows with selfie-stick wielding tourists who think the ponds are actually swimming pools (they're not!).
The other day - and I'm still a little bitter about this - I overheard a group of teenagers practically screaming, ruining my attempt at meditative contemplation. My zen moment was interrupted by their loud and inappropriate comments. This is a green oasis, people! Not a rave!
What can you *actually* do there? Swimming? Picnics? Hide from your in-laws?
Okay, so the official line is: strolling, birdwatching (apparently there are some… birds), maybe a bit of quiet contemplation. Officially, no swimming. Picnics are *technically* allowed, but good luck finding a truly private spot. Hiding from the in-laws? Maybe, if they're easily deterred by mild humidity and the constant threat of a stray hummingbird whizzing past your ear.
I went there once with my sister. She tried to take pictures with the pond. "Wait! Wait! The light is so perfect, can you stay still for a few seconds?" And me, with the patience of a… well, I don't have much patience. I ended up with a blurry background, and the memory of a screaming child.
Is it worth the entrance fee? (Because honestly, it's not cheap…)
This one… *sigh*… depends on your expectations, your mood, and how much your wallet is willing to suffer. Look, the place does have some beauty. The plants are well-maintained, the pathways are actually quite pretty… when they're not blocked by a massive tour group. BUT! The entrance fee is… well, let's just say I've had cheaper and more satisfying therapy sessions. It's not outrageously overpriced, but it *does* make you question all of your life choices. Especially if you end up swatting mosquitoes for half an hour (more on *that* later!).
My advice? Go on a weekday, early in the morning when it's less crowded. That way, you might, *might* get away with feeling like you've gotten your money's worth. Otherwise, consider spending the money on a really good ice cream instead. Honestly, I’d be happier.
Tell me about the mosquitoes. I heard… *things*.
Oh. The mosquitoes. Buckle up. I am not joking. The mosquitoes at Escape to Paradise are a *force of nature*. They are persistent, they are relentless, and they seem to have a finely tuned radar for human blood. I swear, they *know* when you're trying to have a peaceful moment. I went, armed with repellant, and thought I could win the war. I lost. Badly.
It was a massacre of epic proportions. I ended up looking like I'd contracted some terrible, itchy disease. My legs were a patchwork of red welts! Honestly, the mosquito situation almost ruined the whole experience. Seriously, if you're going, bring industrial-strength bug spray. And maybe a mosquito net. You’ll thank me later.
Is there a shop? What's the food like? I'm always hungry.
There's a tiny shop, selling overpriced water and some souvenirs. Don't get your hopes up. It's mostly designed to fleece you after you've already paid the entrance fee.
The food situation is… delicate. There's a small cafe, offering a limited menu of sandwiches and salads. It's fine. Edible, but not exactly memorable. The prices are, predictably, elevated. Pack your own snacks. Seriously. Unless you're into paying a small fortune for a mediocre sandwich, go prepared. I brought a sandwich, and didn't regret that decision.
Okay, so… is it *actually* an escape, or just a slightly nicer park?
It's… complicated. It offers the illusion of escape, the *potential* for tranquility. But the crowds, the mosquitoes, and the slightly cynical commercialism do chip away at that. It's a nice place to meander, to pretend that you’re somewhere more exotic than the city. But let’s be honest, it’s not an escape to a *literal* paradise. You're still in Lima, with all its little imperfections.
I went there hoping to connect with nature. I ended up connecting with a cloud of hungry insects. It’s beautiful, it’s frustrating, and it’s definitely worth experiencing at least once, just so you can fully appreciate the weirdness of it all. Just remember the bug spray.
