Bulawayo Club: Zimbabwe's Hidden Gem (Unveiled!)
Bulawayo Club: Zimbabwe's Hidden Gem… Maybe, Probably. (Review with Honesty & Heartburn)
Alright, buckle up buttercups. I've just returned from a few days at the Bulawayo Club, and let me tell you, this place… it’s got character. Loads of character. Whether that character is charming or slightly haunted, well, that's up to you. But I'm here to spill the tea (and probably some of the lukewarm coffee, too). This isn't your sterile, corporate hotel review. This is the truth, messy and beautiful, like a Zimbabwean sunset.
First Impressions (and the Battle with Google Maps)
Getting there? That’s your first test. Accessibility? Hmm. It’s there, but… well, let's just say the drive in, particularly from the airport, involved a lot of pothole navigation. Consider yourself warned! I'd say consider asking if they arrange the airport transfer ahead of time, because navigating the roads is an adventure in itself.
Accessibility & Things That Matter: Getting around the actual club itself seemed pretty doable, thankfully. Plenty of elevators (yes!), and ramps where needed. I can't give a definitive thumbs-up for full wheelchair access, but it seemed promising, based on my observations. The elevator was a lifesaver. That said, I'd definitely call ahead and specifically ask about the details if accessibility is a major concern.
Rooms: My Sanctuary (and My Slight Annoyance)
My room? It was… a room. A comfortable one. I mean, air conditioning? Check. Blackout curtains? Blessedly, yes. Free Wi-Fi – in the room?! YES! And it actually worked, which is a small miracle in some parts of the world. (Side note: They really do offer Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! – and there are dedicated Internet [LAN] options too, for those who are more techy.) I did my work and had amazing internet, so this is a plus! Room decorations? Simple, understated. Not a lot of bells and whistles but functional and clean. The presence of extra long bed was crucial after getting to the place.
However (and there’s always a however), my bathroom phone didn't quite work, and the complimentary tea sachets were questionable. But hey, the slippers were comfy. I also loved the presence of in-room safe box.
Having interconnecting rooms available is a great value option, but as a single traveller, I didn't use it. The presence of a reading light was also appreciated as I love to read at night.
Cleanliness & Safety: The COVID Factor
Ah, the COVID era. The *Anti-viral cleaning products were a good thing, and you definitely saw that they were taking things seriously. I am always worried about safety in recent times. The *Daily disinfection in common areas* and the commitment to Physical distancing of at least 1 meter were noticeable efforts.
They offer a Room sanitization opt-out available (though I didn’t opt out – better safe than sorry!). Also, the food serving staffs were wearing masks and I also saw the efforts to Sanitized kitchen and tableware items.
Dining, Drinking & Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (of Sorts) Breakfast? Breakfast [buffet]? Mostly alright. Asian breakfast and western breakfast options are available. The Asian options were not something I wanted to test, but the Western breakfast was filling and delicious. The Coffee/tea in restaurant was definitely needed every morning.
The Poolside bar was delightful, even if the cocktails were a bit… inconsistent. (One day, a masterpiece; the next, a sugary swamp.) I did enjoy the Bottle of water that was free in the room. I also saw the opportunity to have a Breakfast takeaway service.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa Day? Maybe…
The Swimming pool [outdoor] looked inviting, though the weather didn’t quite cooperate during my stay. The presence of a Pool with view was definitely pretty on a nice day. The Gym/fitness was a good option while on my trip.
The Spa/sauna? Ah, now this is where things got… interesting. Let's just say the experience was a bit rough around the edges, but it was definitely an experience. Don't expect a pristine, ultra-luxurious experience but it will be a great experience! The Body wrap was probably the highlight. The Massage was average, but the staff were very great and courteous. The Steamroom and Sauna were also present.
Services & Conveniences: The Good, the Bad & the "Don't Forget Your Own Toothpaste"
The concierge was incredibly helpful. I mean, really. The Concierge was a lifesaver. He organized everything from taxis to restaurant reservations. However, the convenience store? More like a collection of random items. Don't expect a fully stocked mini-mart. Forget something essential (like toothpaste)? You're on your own, buddy. I'm not even going to mention the lack of a decent gift/souvenir shop.
The Business Side (Let's Face It, We All Need to Work Sometimes)
The meeting/banquet facilities were quite good, and I saw several groups using them during my stay. The Business facilities weren't bad, and there was a Xerox/fax in business center available. I didn't need them myself, but they were there.
For the Kids: Family-Friendly?
I didn't travel with children, but it seemed like the club was geared towards families. I observed Kids facilities and babysitting service available.
Getting Around: Taxi Time!
Airport transfer is available, and I recommend it. Otherwise, you're relying on taxis, and navigating Bulawayo can be a bit… spirited. The car park [free of charge] is a plus, if you decide to bring your own car.
The Bottom Line (and My Personal Recommendation)
Look, the Bulawayo Club isn’t perfect. It has its quirks. It has its… rough edges. But it’s also… charming. It's real. It's like a well-loved old friend, comfortable and familiar, even with all its imperfections. This place offers a true sense of authenticity, of Zimbabwean hospitality and charm. The Staff trained in safety protocol also made me feel secure.
Is it a hidden gem? Perhaps. If you're looking for a sanitized, cookie-cutter experience, this isn't it. But if you're looking for something authentic, something memorable, something that stays with you long after you check out… then yes.
My Rating: 3.8 out of 5 stars. Room for improvement, but well worth the trip, especially if you seek out the charm of Bulawayo itself.
My Offer: Bulawayo Club – Experience the Real Zimbabwe (with a Few Laughs Along the Way!)
Book your stay at the Bulawayo Club today and receive:
- 15% off your entire stay! (Valid for bookings made through our website or directly by phone).
- A complimentary welcome drink at the poolside bar! (Trust me, you'll need it after your journey!).
- Free access to the sauna and gym! (Work off those buffet breakfasts!).
- A hand-written guide to the best local spots, curated by yours truly. (Because Google Maps won't tell you everything…).
- A chance to experience the REAL Bulawayo. (Quirks and all).
Why book with us?
- Unforgettable experiences: We're not just selling rooms; we're offering a journey. You'll be talking about this trip for years to come!
- Personalized service: Our staff are genuinely friendly and always ready to help. Whether you need extra towels or a recommendation for the best curry in town, we've got you covered.
- A safe and secure stay: We're committed to cleanliness and safety, so you can relax and enjoy your vacation.
Don't miss out! Book now and discover the true beauty of Bulawayo! (This offer is good for a limited time. Subject to availability. Terms and conditions apply. May or may not include a working bathroom phone)
Escape to Paradise: Zensala Riverpark Resort Awaits in Chiang Mai!
Bulawayo Blitz: A Rambling, Raw, and Real Itinerary (Maybe?)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your average glossy brochure itinerary. This is my Bulawayo experience, warts and all. And let me tell you, Bulawayo? She's got some warts. But also a whole lotta soul. So, here we go, a beautifully messy, hopefully insightful, and definitely opinionated journey through the City of Kings.
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Hotel Hullabaloo (Or, My Battle with the Bulawayo Club's A/C)
Morning (Or, What Time is it Anyway?): Land in Bulawayo. The airport? Well, let's just say it's got character. The "character" of a friendly, slightly disheveled auntie giving you directions to nowhere. Immigration was surprisingly smooth, a relief, considering I’m convinced my passport photo makes me look like a slightly guilty potato. Grab a pre-booked taxi (thank goodness for pre-booking - I'd have been lost in the dust of the airport forever otherwise!).
Afternoon: The Bulawayo Club Conundrum. Arrive at The Bulawayo Club. Oh boy. This place… it's steeped in history. Like, seriously, drenched in it. Think mahogany furniture, portraits of stern-looking gentlemen, and a vaguely colonial air that makes you want to simultaneously order a gin and tonic and apologize to the ghost of Cecil Rhodes (who, by the way, was apparently very fond of Bulawayo). Check in should be easy, right? Narrator voice: It wasn’t. My room? Charming, in the old-fashioned sense. But the air conditioning? A complete refusal to actually cool. I spent a solid hour wrestling with the thermostat, sweating like a marathon runner, and eventually, throwing my hands up in defeat. The front desk? Sympathetic, but utterly powerless. "It's a heritage building, madam." Heritage, schmeritage! I needed cold. The battle with the non-existent A/C set the tone for the day - a constant ebb and flow between "This is fascinating!" and "WHY CAN'T ANYTHING WORK?!"
Late Afternoon Exploration (Or, Finding the Perfect Boerewors). Drove to The National Art Gallery. The art was wonderful, but more amazing was the drive. Bulawayo, like a strong, beautiful woman, is full of dust, potholes, and character. The town is like a real place; it's not trying to be perfect.
Evening: Dinner Debacle (and a Glimmer of Hope). Dinner. I was craving something authentic, so I ventured out. I found a small, local place. I ordered boerewors. It was…okay. The company (the owner, who, because I was clearly a foreigner, took it upon himself to tell me the history of Bulawayo) was fantastic. He shared stories. He was passionate. And the sheer effort he put into making me feel welcome melted away some of the "heritage building" angst from earlier.
Day 2: Matobo Magic and the Power of Perspective
Morning: Matobo National Park – A Spiritual Swirl. Pack a massive lunch. Seriously. And sunscreen. Matobo is a geological wonderland. The granite domes, the balancing rocks, the sheer vastness of it all… it's breathtaking. But it's also hot. Oh, so hot. Hike to the top of one of the kopjes. The climb is tough, the sun relentless, but the view from the top? Worth every single bead of sweat. That space feels… Sacred.
Afternoon: Rhodes' Grave (and some soul searching). Headed to the grave of Cecil Rhodes. Yep, the man himself. I went into this quite conflicted. On the one hand, yeah, colonization was terrible. On the other, this is a beautiful place. It’s hard to explain, but I just sat there, gazing at the view and contemplating the complicated legacy of this place. And I remembered that the world is not so simple.
Evening: The Bulawayo Market – A Riot of Senses. Bulawayo Market! It smells of spices, dust, and possibility. The noise is a beautiful cacophony – the chatter of vendors, the laughter of children, the rhythmic thud of a soccer ball. It's vibrant, alive, messy, gorgeous. I haggled for a carved wooden elephant (badly, I’m sure). I ate some amazing street food. It was pure, unadulterated sensory overload and I loved every second of it.
Day 3: The Joshua Nkomo Museum, and the Unexpected Beauty of the Ordinary
Morning: The Joshua Nkomo Museum – A History Lesson The Joshua Nkomo Museum is important. It's a heavy dose of history, political and otherwise. But, well-presented and emotional.
Afternoon: A Random Discovery (Or, My Love Affair with a Mango). I got lost. Again. This time, it was a happy accident. I stumbled upon a small, dusty side street. A vendor was selling the most enormous, perfectly ripe mangoes I'd ever seen. I swear, that mango was a revelation. Just the simple joy of eating something so perfectly sweet, so juicy, so… perfect… was an emotional experience for my tastebuds.
Late Afternoon: The End of The Road. I found a cafe. I wrote in my journal. The end.
Overall, The Big Picture
Bulawayo isn't shiny. It’s not polished. It’s not perfect. But that’s exactly why I loved it. It's a place where you can get lost, where you can sweat, where the air conditioning might not work, and where you can taste the genuine heart of a city. So, is it worth a visit? Absolutely. Will you be charmed, challenged, and probably a little bit frustrated? Undoubtedly. But you'll also leave with a story to tell, and maybe, just maybe, a new appreciation for the imperfect, the unexpected, the utterly human reality of life in the City of Kings. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find a fan. And maybe another mango.
Escape to Port Hope: Your Cozy Hampton Inn Awaits!
Bulawayo Club: Should You Even Bother? (My Ramblings & Real Truths)
What *is* the Bulawayo Club, anyway? Is it like, secret handshake only?
Okay, so picture this: Colonial history meets, well, Bulawayo. It's *the* club. Think of it like a really posh, slightly crumbling time capsule. It's got history oozing from the walls. Is it secret handshake only? Not quite. But let's just say you wouldn't waltz in wearing your ripped jeans and a "I Heart Concrete" t-shirt. (Learned that one the hard way, folks...they *glared*.)
Real talk: It's a members-only social club. So, you'll need an invitation, or know someone who knows someone who probably knows someone. It's not Fort Knox, but it's not a free-for-all. More like a carefully curated, slightly stuffy, and utterly fascinating piece of Bulawayo's past.
Who goes to the Bulawayo Club? (Am I 'club material'?)
Mostly? Well-established people. Think local business owners, descendants of… well, you get the idea. Lawyers, doctors, people who've been in Bulawayo longer than my favourite pair of shoes have been in the wardrobe. (They're old. Really old.) Honestly? It’s a mixed bag, but there are a few rules about not being too rowdy. A friend of mine, bless her cotton socks, once accidentally spilled a whole bottle of wine down some guy’s very expensive tie. That wasn’t exactly “club material” behavior, let’s put it that way.
Are *you* club material? Honestly? Maybe! It depends on what you are *doing* there. The best advice I can give is to be polite, be respectful, and be prepared to hear some stories. Oh, and maybe don't spill the wine. That's kind of a big one.
What's the vibe like inside? Stuffy? Awesome? Both?
Yes. All of the above. It's *definitely* got a stuffy side. The decor is… well, it hasn't changed much since the early 20th century. Think dark wood, leather chairs, and portraits of people who probably wouldn't be thrilled to see you reading this. BUT, the staff are (generally) lovely, the food… well, it's surprisingly decent and surprisingly affordable. And there's something about the place that just…draws you in. Maybe it's the history, the feeling of stepping back in time. Or maybe it's the strong gin and tonics. Probably the strong gin and tonics.
And the food? Is it just old-school British fare? (Ugh, shepherd's pie...)
Okay, hear me out. Yes, classic British fare *is* on the menu. Shepherd's pie makes an appearance. So does something called "bubble and squeak", which I *still* can't quite figure out. But the chefs often do a good job of adapting to local tastes, or using local ingredients. The curries are surprisingly good! And their Sunday roasts? Worth it. Just… worth it. It's not Michelin-star dining, but it's hearty, and comforting, and it’s what you’re *expecting* from the place. And sometimes, that's exactly what you want.
Best part of the Bulawayo Club? Give me the juicy bits!
Okay, personal anecdote time. I went to a private function there once. It was a birthday celebration, a pretty big one, with quite the guest list, but I was there with friends. We ended up in the billiards room, which I'm pretty sure hadn't been updated since the days of Cecil Rhodes. Seriously, the felt on the table probably pre-dates the internet. Anyway, someone, a VERY excitable friend, got into a bit of a *spirited* debate about something… I can't even remember what, but it escalated. Fast. Turns out the guest of honor was the subject of the argument. Let’s just say a few things were said. Let’s just say the air turned thicker than a pre-war pipe tobacco. I thought this was it, everyone was going to be kicked out, the whole party would be ruined. But do you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. The club went on. Someone suggested another round of drinks, tensions eased, and the night continued, complete with many more stories and a lot of laughter. And, you know what? That's the magic of the Bulawayo Club. It has seen it all, and it just… keeps going.
Any downsides? What should I be warned about?
Okay, real talk. The downsides? Can be a bit…cliquey. It's not *always* easy to break into the inner circles. And the whole colonial vibe can be…well, it can be a bit much for some people. It's a product of its history. And sometimes, it's like history is still happening in that room. You’ve got to be able to deal with that. And if you're expecting something modern and trendy, you’re in the wrong place.
Also, be prepared for some…interesting conversations. You are *guaranteed* to hear a few stories that are, let's say, *historically challenged*. Just smile, nod, and maybe change the subject to the weather. It usually works.
Is it worth the effort to *try* to get in?
Honestly? Yes. If you're interested in history, in experiencing a unique slice of Bulawayo life, in the *slightly* eccentric, then absolutely, yes. It's an experience. It's a conversation starter. It's a place where you can, for a few hours, step back in time. But it also means you might be a bit out of your comfort zone. And you really need to consider if you're okay with that. For me? It's always worth it. Because it’s one of the many things that makes Bulawayo, Bulawayo.
What if I can't get invited? Are there alternatives?
Okay, let's be real. Getting invited can be tricky! If you can’t swing a membership, try this: Find someone who *is* a member, and befriend them. Buy them a drink, butter them up, and pray for a free pass. Alternatively, there are some other cool spots around Bulawayo. The Nesbitt Castle Hotel is a real treat. Check out the National Gallery of Zimbabwe. Embrace the city's history and, I don't know, just be an interesting person! You never know who you’ll meet!
Final thoughts? Anything I missed?
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