Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Montanita Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Montanita Awaits! - A Totally Honest Review (Because Let's Be Real, Paradise Ain't Always Perfect)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving deep into the swirling, sun-drenched, and sometimes slightly chaotic world of Howard Johnson's Montanita. Forget those sterile, PR-approved reviews. I'm here to tell you the real deal about this place, from the questionable coffee to the breathtaking sunsets. This is a review for you, the aspiring beach bum, the adventurous couple, the family craving a tropical escape (and maybe a margarita or two).
First Impressions (and a Few Hiccups, Naturally):
Landing in Montanita is like stepping into a postcard. The air is thick with the scent of salt and something mysteriously delicious (street food, probably). Howard Johnson’s, with its promise of "Escape to Paradise," loomed before me, a beacon of…well, hope.
Accessibility: While the hotel mentions accessibility, it's worth confirming specifics. Ecuador isn't exactly known for its universal accessibility, so double-check before you book, especially if you need wheelchair-friendly features. (Because trust me, navigating those cobblestone streets without a scooter is a workout in itself).
Getting Around & Amenities (the Good, the Gritty, and the "Wait, What?"):
- Airport Transfer: Yes! Thank goodness! After a flight, the promise of a transfer is a godsend.
- Car Park [free of charge] & Car park [on-site]: Parking is available, a HUGE plus. Finding parking in Montanita can be a nightmare, so this is golden.
- Car power charging station: Nice touch for the future! (Maybe, like, way future).
- Taxi service: Readily available.
- Valet parking: Worth a look.
- Elevator: Essential. (Especially if you end up with a room on the fifth floor after a particularly enthusiastic happy hour).
- Doorman: They actually have one. A lifesaver, believe me, especially when wrestling with luggage.
- Luggage storage: Excellent news, because your bags will be full of souvenirs and dirty laundry when you check out.
Rooms: Cozy, Clean-ish, and That Damn AC!
My room was… adequate. (I’m trying to be objective here). Think clean-ish. The most important thing? Air conditioning! Thank the heavens for working AC. That Ecuadorian sun will melt you faster than a popsicle in a volcano. I mean, that's the primary concern, right? Not the perfectly crisp sheets, or the perfectly aligned pillows, but that sweet, sweet AC.
- Available in all rooms: This is a given, thank goodness.
- Additional toilet: Bless.
- Alarm clock: Useful, but my internal clock always goes haywire in tropical climates.
- Bathrobes, Slippers, and Towels: Nice touches, because you will invariably get sandy.
- Bathroom phone: …Why?
- Blackout curtains: Essential. Trust me on this.
- Carpeting: Meh.
- Closet: Enough for your beachwear.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, and Free bottled water: Yay! Mandatory essentials to fight off the dehydration.
- Daily housekeeping: They do a decent job of keeping things tidy, but don't expect perfection.
- Desk, Extra long bed: More pluses.
- Hair dryer, Ironing facilities: Okay, maybe not everything is essential, but still handy.
- In-room safe box: Use it!
- Internet access – wireless [Wi-Fi [free]]: Essential. Especially for the 'gram.
- Laptop workspace: Okay, work can wait.
- Linens, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies: Good.
- Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature: All standard, all good.
- Satellite/cable channels: Probably mostly in Spanish, but hey, it's a cultural experience, right?
- Scale: Ignore it. You're on vacation.
- Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed: Pretty standard.
- Sofa: Score!
- Soundproofing: …Well, let's just say I heard the waves, the music, and the occasional party animal until the wee hours.
- Telephone, Toiletries, and Umbrella: Standard and necessary.
- Visual alarm, Wake-up service: Useful.
- Wi-Fi [free]: Yessss!
- Window that opens: Nice for letting in fresh air (and the occasional rogue mosquito).
The Culinary Adventures (and the Coffee Conundrum):
- Restaurants: Yes, plural!
- A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant: Choices, choices! (Though the "international" often ends up being variations of local fare).
- Alternative meal arrangement: Always a good thing, especially if you have food allergies.
- Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Breakfast takeaway service: Ah, the most important meal of the day. The buffet was… sufficient. The problem? The coffee. Let's just say it's not their strong suit. Bring your own instant, or be prepared to venture out in search of a decent caffeine fix.
- Buffet in restaurant: Convenient for a quick in and out.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant: Yay more options!
- Poolside bar, and Bar: Essential for happy hour!
- Happy hour: YES.
- Bottle of water: Hydration is key.
- Poolside bar: Great to relax and take in the view.
- Room service [24-hour]: Perfect for those late-night cravings.
- Snack bar: Snacks are good.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Safe dining setup: Important, especially these days.
- Individually-wrapped food options: A good sign.
Relaxation: Spa Dreams and Poolside Realities (Plus, My Body Scrub Disaster):
- Things to do, ways to relax: Oh, the potential for relaxation! But, let's be clear, this isn’t a Four Seasons. It's…Montanita.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage, Spa, Spa/sauna: They have these. (I tried a body scrub. Let’s just say the exfoliator was… aggressive.)
- Pool with view, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The pool is lovely, especially after a long day on the beach. There are views, though they're not quite infinity pool perfection, and don't be surprised if you have to elbow your way to a decent sun lounger during prime hours.
- Sauna, Steamroom, Foot bath, Gym/fitness: My inner couch potato approves.
Cleanliness and Safety: A Mixed Bag:
- Cleanliness and safety, Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Rooms sanitized between stays, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: They seem to be trying.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Good to know.
- Cashless payment service: Handy.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Nice.
- Shared stationery removed: Makes sense.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: The laundry service was expensive, but my clothes came back clean so I can't complain.
- Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour]: They seem to take security seriously.
For the Kids & Couples:
- Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal, Babysitting service: Seems tailored for families.
- Couple's room: Worth inquiring.
- Proposal spot: …Romantic, if that's your thing.
Services and Conveniences (The Truly Useful Stuff):
- Air conditioning in public area: Excellent!
- **Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop,
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the glorious, chaotic mess that was my trip to Montanita, Ecuador. This isn't your polished travel blog, folks. This is the raw, unfiltered truth, complete with sunburn, questionable food choices, and a whole lotta "what the heck just happened?"
The Howard Johnson by Wyndham Montanita: My Temporary Fortress (and the Occasional Mosquito Buffet)
First off, the Howard Johnson. Pretty decent digs, honestly. Clean-ish. Air conditioning that occasionally decided to take a nap, which was less than ideal given the equatorial sun's fiery assault. The pool? Looked inviting, but I spent more time dodging rogue sunbathers than actually swimming. More on that later. But overall, good spot. Central, decent breakfast, and the staff were, for the most part, incredibly patient with my broken Spanish.
Day 1: Arrival, Anxiety, and a Fish That Nearly Took Me Out
- Morning (Chaos): Landed in Guayaquil. The airport was a circus. Trying to navigate the shuttle situation felt like auditioning for a reality show called "Lost in Translation." Finally, after much pointing, gesturing, and a near-breakdown, I found a ride. The driver? A blur of Spanish and reckless driving. Held on for dear life.
- Afternoon (Relief & Bewilderment): Arrived in Montanita. Okay, this is…different. Dust, vibrant colors, the overwhelming smell of the ocean (and something else I couldn't quite identify). Checked into the HoJo. Unpacked. Had a minor panic attack about being so far from civilization. Then, the sun went down, and a wave of pure, unadulterated exhaustion hit.
- Evening (The "Fish" Incident): Went for dinner at a beachfront restaurant. Ordered ceviche. Now, I love ceviche, I truly do. But this. THIS was something else. The fish was…challenging. Let's just say, I spent the next few hours questioning my life choices and praying to the porcelain god. I vividly remember the texture of the fish, and the way it started to taste like sea. I'm not sure if it had to do with the freshness or the preparation. It's a story I'll tell for a lifetime. Lesson learned: Ask about the source before you eat.
Day 2: Surf's Up (Maybe?), Misadventures in Beachwear, and Questionable Tattoos
- Morning (Embracing the Tourist): Decided to try surfing. Apparently, my coordination skills peaked in the womb. The instructor (a surfer dude with a smile that could melt glaciers) was incredibly patient. I spent most of the time face-planting into the waves. Still, the feeling of temporarily standing on the board even for a fleeting second was euphoric.
- Afternoon (Fashion Faux Pas): Attempted to look chic on the beach. Purchased a sarong that, upon closer inspection, was the approximate length of a postage stamp. Spent the rest of the afternoon strategically adjusting said sarong to maintain some semblance of modesty. Result: 90% tan lines, 10% actual tan.
- Evening (Tattoo Regret?): After a couple of cocktails, I decided it was a brilliant idea to get a temporary tattoo. A beautiful, intricate dolphin. This dolphin now looked more like a blob. (it was really bad) Another lesson: alcohol + temporary tattoos = disaster. I still have that blob of a dolphin on my arm. It's a reminder of a night filled with tequila shots and questionable decisions.
Day 3: Exploring, Eating (Carefully), and a Night of Dancing (and Falling)
- Morning (Exploration): Took a day trip to the nearby villages. The scenery was breathtaking. The locals were incredibly welcoming. Bought a hideous (but charming) ceramic llama. Regretted not bringing more sunscreen. Sunburn level: lobster.
- Afternoon (Food Fight): Decided to be brave and try again. Ordered grilled fish at a different place. This time, success. Fresh, delicious. I'm not sure if this has helped me conquer my fears or not. Still, I ate it.
- Evening (Move Your Feet!): Montanita nightlife is a whirlwind of noise, music, and movement. I attempted to dance. Let's just say, I left the dance floor a little worse for wear. Tripped over my own feet (again), spilled a drink on someone, and lost a shoe. But hey, at least I tried! (And the music was great).
Day 4: Goodbye's and Reflections
- Morning (Recovery from Nightlife): Tried to get my life back together. Sunscreen. Hydration. Stared melancholically at the ocean.
- Afternoon (Last Meal): Decided to try another restaurant. The food was good. The company was even better.
- Evening (Departure): Said goodbye to the dusty streets, the vibrant sunsets, and the friendly faces of Montanita. The whole trip was a lot. From the near-death fish experience to the tattoo and the questionable beachwear choices, it was messy, imperfect, and utterly unforgettable.
- Important Reminders:
- Pack copious amounts of sunscreen. Really.
- Be cautious of food. Ask questions.
- Embrace the chaos.
- Don't get drunk and get a tattoo.
- And most importantly: have fun.
Montanita, you magnificent, crazy place. I'll be back. Maybe. Eventually. After I recover. And possibly work on my surfing skills. And maybe rethink the whole tattoo thing.
Shimla's Boom Stays: Unforgettable Mountain Memories Await!
Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Montanita Awaits! - FAQ (Mostly & Mostly Honest)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this FAQ isn't your sterile, corporate-speak kind. This is the **truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (mostly, remember I'm human)** about Howard Johnson's in Montanita. Get ready for some rambles, honest opinions, and maybe a few tears (mostly from laughing at my terrible decisions).
1. So... is this place actually "paradise"? Like, full-blown, untouched-by-humanity paradise?
Paradise? *Scoffs dramatically*. Look, Montanita itself? Yeah, she's got a certain something. Dusty, loud, and overflowing with people who have clearly never seen a hairbrush, but still... magic. The beach is gorgeous. The waves, when they're not trying to drown you, are spectacular. BUT... Howard Johnson's? It's paradise *adjacent*. Think of it as the slightly less-glamorous, more-budget-friendly cousin of paradise. Like, the cousin who rolls up in a beat-up minivan but always has the best snacks.
The vibe is definitely more "relaxed" than "refined." Which, depending on your personality, could be a good thing. (I, for one, appreciate *not* having to wear shoes. Ever.)
2. What's the deal with the rooms? Are they, you know, clean? And air-conditioned? And big enough to, like, breathe?
Okay, truth time: my first room? Uh, let's just say it had *character*. It looked like it had last been cleaned... well, I’m not sure. I'm pretty sure a gecko was living in the corner. But the AC? Bless its little digital heart, it worked. And in Montanita, that’s a HUGE win. The size... well, if you're expecting a suite, you're in the wrong place. It's cozy. Let’s call it “intimate”. But after a few days of surfing and general beach-bumming, you won't care if the gecko moves in with you. You will be exhausted. So tired. So grateful for a place to crash.
Pro Tip: Pack some Clorox wipes. Just in case.
3. The pool... is it usable? (I've seen pictures. They can be deceiving.)
The pool... ah, the pool. It *is* usable! Sometimes. Look, it's the heart of the place, the social center. And it can be a little... how do I put this delicately… sometimes it's more "natural pond" than "olympic-sized swimming hole." You’ll see it clean, you’ll see it with leaves, you’ll see it with the debris of a thousand joyous beach bums. But it's chlorine-y, it cools you down, it's a perfect place to meet new friends (or witness some truly spectacular karaoke). And honestly, after a day of surfing, even a murky pool feels like liquid gold.
My own pool-related tragedy involved a misplaced margarita and a particularly aggressive floatie. Let's just say I needed a shower *after* getting out of the pool. The cleaning lady just shook her head, but honestly, I think she was secretly amused.
4. How's the food situation? I'm a picky eater. (And, frankly, a bit of a wimp.)
Food? Alright, so, the on-site restaurant... it's… convenient. That's the word. Convenient. Don't go expecting Michelin stars. Expect… edible. They do have the usual tourist-fare; hamburgers, fries, and the occasional attempt at local fare. A few times I had some pretty decent fish tacos. Other times the fish tacos were a borderline culinary disaster. It's a gamble. But the prices are pretty good, and when you've been out all day catching waves, anything tastes good.
Pro Tip: There are a million amazing restaurants literally steps away from the hotel. Explore! Street food is a must! Just… maybe pack some Immodium, just in case.
5. What's the staff like? Are they friendly? Do they speak English? (My Spanish is… well, it exists.)
The staff? Dude, they're awesome. They're the life of the party. They put up with a lot. They're generally super friendly, although sometimes a bit… relaxed about, you know, actually getting things done. And look, language barriers happen. They usually have a good grasp of English, but bring a translator app on your phone. My Spanish is terrible, and I somehow got through it. Mostly by pantomime.
I once tried to order a beer in Spanish, and apparently, I said something that sounded a *lot* like I was proposing marriage. (Cue the giggles.) They were still nice about it, though.
6. Okay, let's get real: The noise. How bad is it? I value sleep.
Noise. *Takes deep breath.* Okay, listen up. Montanita is a party town. Period. And Howard Johnson's is right in the thick of it. You WILL hear music. You WILL hear people yelling, laughing, and possibly serenading passersby at 3 AM. You will hear traffic. You will hear a small band of dogs fighting over a discarded piece of... well, you don't want to know. You get the picture.
If you *value* sleep, pack earplugs. Industrial-strength earplugs. Consider investing in a white noise machine. Or, maybe, just accept your fate and embrace the chaos. After a few days, you'll be sleeping through a hurricane.
7. Is it safe? I've heard… things.
Safety. This is a tough one. Montanita is generally safe, but it's also a place where people are relaxed, and where everyone is on vacation. Keep your wits about you, don't flash expensive jewelry, and don't wander around alone at night. Petty theft is a thing. The occasional boozed-up tourist gets into trouble. Just use common sense.
I, for example, forgot to lock my door one night. Thankfully, nothing was stolen except possibly a few brain cells from the sheer panic I experienced when I realized my mistake. So, you know, learn from my mistakes.
